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Why I wish I had a postpartum doula even though I had support

I could throw a bunch of stats and information to you as to why having a doula is so important. I have many. I do not think everyone needs or wants a doula. However, my dream is that one day this will not be a luxury service but every mom that wants a doula could have one. Notice once again I said, “wants a doula.” I know for myself if I could go back, I would want one especially in the postpartum season of my life. I say that even with having the help of both of my moms, family and friends nearby. This is also with having a very supportive husband.

I have so many people in the medical field especially in my life who work with moms and babies. However, no one knew how to handle my postpartum with depression. I do not blame them and I think they helped the best way they knew how. It has taken me a couple of years for me to get to that point of understanding that it was an expectation that I thought they would know how to help.

I love doctors but I realize many of them were giving solutions as they saw fit without explaining much of how this would benefit. The interventions that they gave me also gave me side effects. I wish someone would've shared with me the benefits and risks.

My nurses were great, but they were also busy with many patients, they gave me a ball and I thought all I was supposed to do was bounce. There are so many positions that help with birth. I wish someone would gave me this information.

I believe 6 weeks is too long to check on someone after having a baby. When I went to my doctor his only words for the depression I was feeling was that I needed sunlight.

The physical support- helping with light chores, stocking up my refrigerator, taking care of my baby so I can rest would have been such a great help to me. Since I was already feeling like a failure, seeing all these chores undone were a reminder how I could not keep up.

The emotional support- I needed someone to be my safe space. I did not enjoy “every moment” and I needed a person that would be safe for me to say that with. I wish I had resources as there are many to help new moms. I just wish someone knew to give those to me.

The nutritional support - Moms burn 500-700 calories to fuel their babies through breastfeeding. Moms need to fuel themselves so they can give nourishment to their babies. I wish I knew what snacks and meals to eat.

The informational support- you can only do so much with what you know. One of the things I wish I knew more information about was hormones and how long the postpartum body takes to recover. Getting tested earlier for my hormones would have saved me from years of suffering.

The best way I can describe a doula is that it is the mother’s safe place. This is why I am so passionate about holding the mama while everyone else holds the baby.

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